22 ALL Access Grammy passes were fake and I had one of them.  I didn’t know of course. No, really, I didn’t.  For the last three years I have gone to the Grammy’s because my music studio partner, Mike Greene, really made the Grammy’s what it is today.  He started everything from Musicares to taking the Grammy’s from …to ….  So, as his business partner and friend, every year he gives me a few tickets BUT this year, I was invited by another friend who ended up in Grammy jail!

So the story goes, I was in a limo on a PR campaign with David Hasselhoff and I get a call from a guy I met 2 years previous at the Sundance Film festival.  I happened to see him right after that at the Grammy’s that year and so as he said, even though he had not seen me in years when he came upon an extra All Access Floor Seat pass…he thought of me. Um, OK. Truthfully, I was a bit to busy to question it and off my info went to him and 3 days later I am lucky enough to sit in another limo waiting for these highly coveted All Access Passes.

I had gotten a dress 2 hours before the car came and was so tired from producing the Hasselhoff show that I was just happy to sit down and do nothing.  But nothing turned into something when the “Grammy girl” who worked at the Grammy’s kept picking a different block at the Staple’s Center to meet us.  We left Santa Monica at 2:45 and it was now 10 minutes to 5.  Show starts at 5!

My Acquaintance, who shall remain nameless for his sake, finally finds the Grammy girl on the corner of Figueroa and gets the passes.  Unbeknownst to me, Grammy girl tells my friend she thinks the passes MAY be fakes!  Considering the passes went anywhere from $250 to $10,000, I am not kidding, my “Comrade” was a bit pissed and worried.  So, before he met me back in the front of the Staples Center he went up to a guard at the south entrance and the guard ushered him in quickly and told him he could go anywhere he wanted with this pass.  Cool, he thought!  They were good.

We rushed in, got our Grammy books and made our way down to the floor seats.  All the ticket takers asked us, “Where are your tickets?” which I admit seemed very odd to me that I had this ALL ACCESS pass but no ticket and thus NO place to sit.

“2 minutes before we go live, please take your seats,” the voice echoed loudly.  At that point, My Good Buddy ol’ Pal and I are asking a ticket lady where the hell should we sit but as she was trying to figure this out, a flood of seat fillers moved in and began to be placed.  We sat.  Just sat down.  We waited and then I said, come on.  I walked up super close. Less than 20 rows away, right by the middle circle where Pink would get dipped in water, we sat…for the whole show.  Well, one of us did.

Ya see, a girl gets thirsty after she is picked up at 2:30pm and it is now almost 6pm.  With no hydration,  I told my BFF, “I am going to go get us some water.” To which he replied, “no, I’ll go get it. You have fancy heels on.”  He was right, I did have some lovely little Gucci numbers that cost more than my dress which is funny and something a man would never understand or do…and quite frankly, rightly so.  Good on you, men but as you will see those bitchy heels saved my arse.

So, as the Grammy’s go to a commercial break I get a break from by Companion as he races off for some water.  “And, we are back in 5, 4, 3…,” the voice loudly echoes again.  And there she is, Pink in all her glory, doing her jaw-dropping ode to Cirque du Soleil thang!  I was so close to her that I almost got wet as she spun around and annoyed all the fancy dressed people who got wet.  It was kind of funny.  It was like being in the wet section at the Seaquarium.  “And, here’s Shamu!” SPLASH, SPLASH, the crowd gets wet and wild…yet at the Grammy’s, Pink, AKA-Shpink, got the crowd wet as she flung around and the faces in the crowd didn’t move cause they use so much botox but you could feel the grumpy, WTF? Energy.  Dolce & Gabana, Dior, YSL dresses got wet!  It was brilliant and evil but so much fun to watch.

Back to a commercial break and no return of my ally!  I thought maybe he met some lovely lass or got a better seat or I don’t know… he wasn’t my boyfriend and I had not seen him in 2 years so I didn’t dwell.  I love music, I own a music company and I wanted to pay attention!  I was riveted by the Grammy show and the true mini spectacle show behind me.  My seat was where all the stars had to get on and off of the middle circle of the stage.  Nice.

My personal fav was Lady Gaga who had this constant, well thought out pout as she graced us with her Eiffel Tower Meets the Rhinestone Cowboy ensemble.  She would wait just a bit each time for us to take an illegal picture of her (cameras were not allowed in the Staples Center yet EVERYONE had one).  As she would pause we would all raise our cameras to try to take a picture but she was so damn shiny that by the time we could shoot she would move and all you see is this flash of light.  It became the belly laugh of my section to see which one of us got a discernable picture taken Glorious GaGa.  Over 20 pictures taken in my section and not one of us got a good shot.  I won, but as you can see, it ain’t Rolling Stones material.

Commercials are done and voice booms…back to the show we fly into the amazing 3D tribute to MJ.  It was emotional and gorgeous and just plain kid’s fun to wear those silly 3D glasses.

Amongst all this excitement, seat filler had filled Cochise’s seat.  I kept telling seat filler from San Diego that she would have to leave soon but after 3 commercial breaks I thought I better do some proper investigating.

There it was on my phone, a text in big letters, YOUR PASS IS A FAKE.  I GOT TAKEN TO GRAMMY JAIL.  Ha!  And to think, all for water!  And, more over, my business partner truly made the Grammy’s what it is today and I am now on the floor as a fugitive.  I felt like Pee Wee Herman…”I’m running from the law.”

Said Lovely Seat Filler starts grilling me…”Did your boyfriend just leave you?  That’s so rude. Where is he? Is he ever coming back?”  Before, I could tell her he was not my boyfriend and that I was quite happy as a clam being alone, she got whisked away to another seat. Oh, well.

So, there I sat for the whole show. I put my All Asses Pass in my purse and enjoyed the sparkle and tinge of high school jealousy as Taylor Swift in her absolutely beautiful dress sang with long time idol, Stevie Nicks AND then won Album of the Year.  Ah, where is Kanye when you need him?  OH, I’m kidding.  Laugh a little, will ya.  It was sweet and Taylor Swift is sweet and she sings sweet and says sweet stuff.  Hey, if I were a mom, I would be happy Swifty won and not Lady Gaga because buying my daughter a Rhinestone Eiffel Tower contraption that any gay guy would die for would be hard to find at Christmas.

The show draws to an end and like any person running from the law would say, “I it all,” from Beyonce who has the energy of 10 pound puppies and an toy soldier army to prove it to Ringo Far, Far Away Star to Paris Jackson and her riveting, moving speech about how her dad MJ was supposed to come last year but couldn’t and then she made no sense and we all applauded loudly (I know, we felt bad for her, she had major stage fright, poor thing) to Slash, Fergie and the Pathological Narcissist Committee solely comprised of Jaime Fox, Kanye and Lil Wayne (they are precious, no really…nice grill), two fantastical, fun aural moments brought to us by Bon Motha Freakin Jovi and Richie Sambora, John Mayer, Bocelli and Miraculous Mary J. Blige to the outstanding musicianship of Lady Gaga and Sir Elton John.  I had a great time.  I was illegal and I liked it!

So, as the story goes, a very high up official employee at the Grammy’s has been selling these illegal All Access passes for over 10 years and personally makes in excess of 100 to 200,000 a year doing it.  This year, however, he got lazy and he got caught.  Why?  Cause this year, cocky “Official” hired people to make the worst looking passes AND employed a “poor” female employee, who knew what she was doing but turned in her boss after being arrested by the cops.

To pitch this correctly, in addition to the Grammy “Official” Narcissist being a jerk to all of us who had these tickets he sold 2 tickets to an ex-sheriff who received a Medal of Valor for taking down a guy who shot him twice in the chest.  This Sheriff did his homework as did my friend apparently on these passes.  Sheriff man did a full FBI check on these passes and people selling them and found yes, these people did actually work at the Grammys!  Yet, Sheriff and his lovely wife got thrown in Grammy jail as they walked down the red carpet.  We won’t go into what he paid for his tickets but let’s just say, his wife’s face said it all.

On a Kumbiya sort of Tony Robbins meets “The Secret” sort of ending, my Friend an art dealer met the Sheriff in Grammy jail and after sitting there for 5+ hours THEY became friends.  Now they are doing lots of business together…hundreds of thousands of art, literally, I am talking art work from paintings to sculpture is now finding a new home.  Art imitates life or is it the other way around?

Ah, but as an artist, it’s good to know sometimes, art prevails and justice sings.  “Official” Grammy Guy who had everything got jail time and is playing a concerto in cell block 420 entitled, “From A Gucci Suit to Lawsuits to Striped Suits.”  “Isn’t it Ironic?” J

PS: Thanks Beyonce for bringing that song back single handedly!  Anyone who saw the Grammy’s had the same thought I did, Is Beyonce really singing Alanis Morissette?

Love you people, Louisette Geiss

To contact Louisette Geiss email: lgeiss@hubbardgeissmusic.com
Or visit: http://www.hubbardgeissmusic.com