The Eaglin Report

And why do we keep going to see these ultra-formulaic dribble?
 

The first question has an easy answer.  They’d be boring.  The second, because we’re hoping they’ll give us some insight into, and navigate the jungles of, modern relationships.  One more question: How’s that workin’ out for us?
 

The people in these movies are played by a sliver of the population that is not only the wealthiest and most beautiful, but also gets married and divorced as often as we singles join new dating web-sites.  Insight into navigating relationships is simply not the reason.  Yet there we are at the box office, shelling out another $10.50, or $11.25, or whatever it costs in your part of the country.
 

I remember, at some point, that romantic comedies were known as ‘chick-flicks’.  This was a stigma that kept us self-respecting men’s men out of certain theatres.  We all witnessed John Cusak come of age only to go soft in a string of  such ‘chick-flicks’, before reclaiming his manhood as a hit-man.  Thank God!
 

But who really messed things up was Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Jim Carey, Owen Wilson, Brad Pitt and Will Smith, for Christ-sake; An entire era of funny men, and a couple of man-crush-worthy super-heroes, demanding our loyalty to the tune of $10 bucks a pop, for this sickening genre.
 

Are you beginning to see the picture?  Are you having an, ‘Ah ha’ moment?  No?  Well, it gets worse.  Show me a man of any race, creed, color or sexual orientation who wouldn’t have a drink with Sandra Bullock and I’ll show you a soulless shell of a disconnected eunuch.
 

The Proposal, starring Sandra Bullock and a bunch of other folks (yeah, I know, Betty White, a consummate pro – steals every scene she’s in, save for when Sandra is singing, “From the window, to the wall…”) is what I’m talking about, people.  I’m not referring to Anne Fletcher (the director) or Ryan Reynolds (also good).  Great job you guys, whatever.  I’m talking about one of  the more under-rated actors of our time.  Every actor has had to audition with an awful script.  Every actor who got that gig had to perform on screen that awful script and most of them were desperately grateful to do so.  Who does this better than Sandra Bullock?  No one.  She is a ‘Every-Woman’ and somewhere between her role in Crash and 28 Days, we discovered that the cute, adorable little girl from Speed is not only a savior of bad writing, but has serious depth.  In, The Proposal, she makes us fall in love with an uptight, cold-hearted, self-absorbed, tight-ass bitch of a stereo-type and transforms her into a feeling, vulnerable, terribly hurt and guarded, sympathetic, expressive, funny, compassionate little puddin’.  It’s a friggin diabolical conspiracy, I tell you.
 

Like the rest of the films in this genre, it is completely predictable from start to finish.  As if the preview doesn’t show and tell us everything, all the joy is in watching Ms. Bullock’s character slowly crack, right up to the final scene.
 

Us guys, we watch ‘dude-flicks’ and adhere to ‘man-law’.  It’s what we do. What makes this genre different from action, vigilante, sci-fi, and the movies where the dorks live out their every fantasy, is that romantic comedies trick us into thinking that this could happen to us.  For instance, I could be Sandra Bullock’s door-mat, with the stilettos, tight skirt and all, easy!  I could accidentally poke her with my morning wood.  In fact, I’ve done that, just not to her…you know what I mean.  I will admit, reality (or the lack thereof) starts to creep in when you see two people, stark naked and dripping wet, run smack into each other and fall on top of one another.  Although I would find it incredibly enjoyable, I don’t realistically ever see this happening to me.  It must have been a fun scene to shoot though! And, like all the corny stuff Sandra Bullock has done in her career, I bought it.  Hell, I already spent the money.  Why not?

To contact Benjamin Eaglin email: imaj33@hotmail.com